Real Deal on Headlines

by Mike Parsons

What?! Why am I writing the Real Deal on Headlines? I’m just the board operator, I don’t even watch sports! Good question; since Kyle put together the best of while afflicted with the swine flu and a broken coccyx and Neal is spending the holidays with his wife and kids it falls on me this week. So um here it goes.

Ocho Cinco

For the most part I have no idea why people even bother to put athlete interviews on air, whether it be TV or radio. Is there anything more painfully boring than listening to some montone meat head recite the same tired script with such gems as “gotta give it 110%” “Take it one game at a time” “Our opponents are a quality team, anyone can beat anyone any given game” or describing mundane feats as “pretty special.” Chad Ocho Cinco’s quotes and wacky antics are a breath of fresh air. Nobody hates an attention whore more than me but for some reason I get the impression he’s not doing it for the attention. He does it because he is so much better than everyone else on the field he’s no longer challenged by the game of football and needs to find other ways to entertain himself.

Brian Kelly

Speaking of Cincinnati and rising stars on the tweetspace I still can’t help but to feel like this guy sold out. The realist in me fully expected Kelly to make the leap to the Irish;  but the child in me still believed in Christmas miracles and held onto the hopes he would stay at Cincy and build the program into a national powerhouse. How is anyone supposed to build a football program when all the coaches flee to some slap ass program with deep pockets the minute their contracts are up? For once I would love to see a coach tell UM or Notre Dame, thanks but no thanks, I like what we’ve started, good luck with your declining legacy. I’m not saying I hope Brian Kelly fails, but if he goes the way of the Willingham, I wouldn’t be disapointed.

Matt Millen

Sure it was a stupid move by the Lions to hire a guy to run the football team because he was good at color commentary and sure it was even stupider for them to hang onto him for the better part of a decade; but seriously people it’s just football, get over it.  Nobody likes to watch their home team lose game after game but the calls I heard after the 0-16 season on sports talk radio made me pity these people. My favorite was one slap dick who said he hopes the lions “take this season to their grave.” There are people out there who want Matt Millen dead or banned from the state of Michigan, that’s not even constitutional! Like I said people, it’s just football, go spend time with your family.

 Slap Ass Announcers

Like Kyle often says Detroit is very lucky when it comes to our announcers. On my way to work I was listening to a little Sports News Radio and instead of getting my daily fill of inspiration from David Stein the network was airing the “Sports Year in Review.” I heard more nationwide slaposity in the November segment than in a year of OSU vs UM Saturdays. The play by play team’s job is to describe the game, not to become the spectacle itself. Alot of broadcasters are employees of the team and they are paid to be slaps to a certain degree but exclaiming “THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE YANKEES WIN” or screaming “YES” repeatedly like Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally gets a bit tired and sounds contrived.

Merry Christmas everyone! Remember he is the reason for the season….unless your Jewish.



Since nothing compelling happend in the NFL, heres a wrap on “Championship Saturday”


Are you there God?

It’s me, Kyle.

Thank you so very much for giving Cincinnati the will to come back and defeat the evil ‘stache. I know your angels were working hard to keep all just and right in the world.  Just when I was beginning to lose faith in all humanity, you saved me. When Pitt place-holder Andrew Janoco inexplicably dropped the snap, I looked up and knew you were there. When Tony Pike lofted up a pass with 39 seconds left, I pointed up towards your direction, in reverence and celebration.

Around the holiday season I want to see good prevail. The evil ‘stache would only use his victory to further harm those who get in his way. Some times I get angsty and insecure because every year the evil ‘stache looks as though he will finally find the glory that has long eluded him. Thankfully you always find a way to stifle him.

Now I only ask that you use your power to protect the strippers that may be sacrificed in the wake of his loss.

Also, I think I just had my first period. What do I do?!

Thank you God. 

Kyle  Bauer

In all seriousness, I couldnt be more happy that the evil ‘stache was defeated. It was favorite coach (Brian Kelly) vs. most despised coach (I think you guys have finally figured it’s Dave Wannstedt). To see Cincinnati to win, and the way they won, was a dream come true.

Speaking of despised coaches, Bo Pelini may be on that list now. The defensive improvement Pelini has made in Nebraska is remarkable. It might be the most noteworthy accomplishment in college football. I do respect him for this. What I do not respect him for, is the call he made late in the fourth quarter to give up a touchdown attempt and go for a field goal. Especially with only a two-point spraed and 1:42 left on the clock. It was a typical overly conservative, douchebag coaching move. With the best quarterback-receiver tandem in the country pacing the cage, you wear down that clock as much as you can. At least make a couple more honest attempts at forcing Texas to need a touchdown and burn another 30 seconds, maybe even more. The Nebraska passing game underneath was tending to rip off small chunks of yardage and was certainly more effective than their brutal running game. Of course, the black-shirts are back and I get why Pelini would put the game on their backs. Still he and Alex Henry, put the Huskers in a very bad position, one that I forseen Texas capitalizing on immeadiately.

I was very much hoping to see Nebraska win. I’m not necesarily a BCS opponent. Really, I wanted to see TCU play Alabama. While I enjoy watching Cincinnatis uptempo style, TCU plays a SEC style of football. Staunch defense comibined with a consistant, pounding, running and short passing game. They would be a good matchup to Alabama. Which I think Mark Ingrim is the best running back in the country, I think TCU’s defense might have a shot at netrualizing him.

Saying that, the Texas defense will bring it against Alabama. There is an intrigue to seeing a smaller program play an SEC powerhouse like Alabama, but Texas is a balanced team that offers a great match up.  There is no definitive answer to whether Texas or TCU is better. The Longhorns have shown many weakenesses this season. TCU has spent majority of the season beating up on San Dieago State.

The best two teams in the country will be playing eachother for the national championship.

This is all I got on the SEC Championship game…

(photo courtesy of who provided the caption and 
apparently is the media outlet that has the balls to post this picture.)

Last night was another classic installment of (insert Big 10 team here) versus Hawaii. This game has been another Holiday tradition of mine, since Michigan took on the RAINBOW Wariors in their 1998 regular season finale.

Every year I sit down in my chair by the Christmas tree, pour my first glass of egg nog for the season, and stay up until 3am watching this game. Nothing feels better to me when Hawaii beats some Big 10 team “on vacation”. Unfortunately that didnt happen last night, as Wisconsin routed the Warriors. Even more unfortunate, I did not get to see the game. I was at a Christmas Party, at a house that did not get ESPN 2. I was depressed to say the least.

Heres looking forward to the Hawaii Bowl on Christmas Eve.

Also I have to mention Grand Valley State making it to the Division 2 championship game. Currently I am blogging from the GVSU campus and while I unable to attend the game yesterday, I will say that the pride is swelling and the booze is flowing.

Overall, it was a great “Championship Saturday.” The ‘stache and Tebow lost. It could had been better but I’ll take it.

Goodnight Jamario Moon

Read the final part of Kyle’s 3 part blog.

By Kyle Bauer

A 3 day man fest! Or rather fest for men! (the manisfestation)

Be ready for this one folks. It is a beast combing over some of todays big college football games, Black Friday, leftovers, decorating and of course Dave Wannstedt.

“That mustache and hair combination makes him look like he spends his afternoon in the strip club eating cheap steak and getting lap dances from Community College Freshmen. Once a month, he’ll spend an afternoon with his daughter because the divorce settlement forces him to. He picks her up in his Trans-Am, asks her how school is going, she is understandably mum.”