THE RETURN.

By Kyle Bauer

Yes folks, I, Kyle Bauer, am back. Am I back for good? Maybe. But I have returned to take this blog off of life support but not in a Terri Shiavo way. I am here to resuscitate. You need to forgive me one last time as the excuses will flow, I have been going through a stressful period of inner-personal politics and something that still haunts me as the meager college student that I am; FINALS. I was also away in Las Vegas on business for a brief period of time.

All that is in the past now, as I am ready to embark on a summer that will hopefully bare witness to the Red Wings pulling their nuts out of the fire and the Tigers grabbing any mirror they can find while using every plume of smoke to blind their opponent on the way to a pennant race. Maybe, juuuuuuust maybe, the Lions are actually getting it together and there will be a contiuous march upward Mt. Zeroandsixteen. I guess I am inclined to reference the Pistons existence. We could have a high lottery pick coming up for them. Are there any Siberian seven-footers out there?

Tonight, I suppose I will start with the draft. More specifically, I am going to lay out my thoughts on the most controversial pick for the Lions and that would be California running back Jahvid Best.

I know Jim Schwatz apparently masturbates to Best’s highlight videos on You Tube. Quite odd. Actually, let me deviate for a couple here, Schwartz stalked Vanden Bosch’s house and refused to leave until he signed, then he said that he is aroused by Jahvid Best…… I like Schwartz’ behavior a lot. It’s that type of sick imbalance that makes up an evil genius, in life and on the football field.

But digressing back to my point. I’m concerned about the Best pick. If you listen to two out of the past three programs, I mentioned my fears of Best due to all of his injury issues. Yes, I know that Adrian Peterson was injury plagued in college and now he leads running backs in fumbles. I know Ernie Sims had seven concussions at Florida State and then he was good for one year. There have been many players that have recovered from an injury riddled college tenure. Best’s combine, and numbers in college when healthy, suggest that he can be a prolific back in the NFL. Three surgeries and multiple concussions leave a muddied track record that leaves me extremely nervous.

Let’s do the math folks,

Lions first round draft pick (- upside)+injury plagued running back+ Lions offensive line+ unproven sophomore quaterback+ CURSE OF BOBBY LANE= Jahvid Best starting in no more than 30 games before retiring or being released due to concussion and/or joint issues.

I liked Jahvid Best in college. I guess you could say that I still like him. Really, I cant hold his injuries against him, especially the second concussion. That doesn’t mean that I cannot be cynical or concerned about his durability. If he stays healthy, he should be electric. The only way Best wont succeed is because of injuries, not his lack of talent. Hopefully I am wrong, because if I am, he will be a 1,600 + yard all purpose threat.

This is a huge gamble considering that the Lions alternatives are; Aaron Brown, who has shown potential but was actually benched due to his inability to figure out the playbook. Maurice (Mercury tehehehe) Morris, who looked serviceable especially later in the season as an all-purpose threat, but still slow. Kevin Smith, who is fighting a knee injury and looked slower than the film director Kevin Smith beforehand.

If Best doesn’t pan out, the Lions remain looking at another position devoid of talent. This of course is scoffing at the idea of the Lions other three backs ‘FINDING LIGHTING IN A BOTTLE’ and suddenly becoming legit yardage threats. I was actually hoping the Lions would draft LeGarrette Blount in the final round with one of their three picks or sign him as a free agent. Instead the Titans signed him to no-doubt replace Hungry-Hungry-Lendale White as the bowling ball back in short-yardage situations. While Blount has character questions and ran a slow 40 time, he would still be another body at that position, along with the chip on his shoulder he would be carrying into any camp.

Hopefully everything works out at least with this pick. I am not in the minority to say this pick will have as big of a lasting impact as Suh. If the Lions hit on Best, it very well could be the turning point in this franchise to get them at least back to mediocrity.

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Jose Canseco making an ass of himself on Twitter

By Kyle Bauer

JoseCanseco – “Hey bye the way there’s no crying in baseball”  …..That ‘e’ is probably not a typo.

 “I don’t use any illegal drugs or illegal bats and will challenge anyone to a hr hitting competition come to los angeles”  ….I would soooooo challenge Canseco to a home run competition. I just need money for plane tickets and roids.

“Don’t be jealous haters just cause ur wifes and girlfriends r masterbating to my picture” …. ………………………………

Fat fans love You Tube

 By Kyle Bauer

A new man who is ‘LARGE AND ‘N CHARGE’ has emerged to film himself onto You Tube in hopes of becoming a new viral sensation.

CanonKielHD felt it soooo necessary that he record his react to Maryland possibly coming back on Michigan State in the second round. This has garnerd him much local attention as our friends at the local fm sports station have seemed to take a liking to him.

of course we know the end result by now.

He has now joined the club of obese men who are filmed having a sour reaction to relevent moments in the culture of sport.

Of course you all remember our good friend BigVolDaddy

Then this, I’m assuming construction worker, who was a little bitter his good ol’ buddy Favre didn’t come through for him.

You Tube has brought us all together and shaped our lives in this 21st century. It has caused even the largest and most repulsive of average american sports fan to strive for fame. In this new generation of media or ‘NU-MEDIA’ we can expect this trend of big guys searching for attention, through their raw, gassy and boorish behavior. I am throughly looking forward to it.

Invited to the dance but not a part of the party

(Note: the following piece is the opinion of Kyle Bauer and not of Neal Ruhl or any other member of the website)

By Kyle Bauer

I guess I should’nt talk anymore about Oakland University. They are relevent to me and my co-host, but other than location are they relevent to you? No, especially because that is a simple matter of coincidence.

But I have found a reason to bring them up one last time to the public and that is because what every other team has done in this tournament. For the first time, there are going to be more double-digit seeds in the sweet 16. Even teams that failed to advance, such as Robert Morris, a 15 seed, almost bumped off a soft Villanova team in overtime. Parody has captured the imagination of the people and pundits as many have proclaimed this “the best opening weekend ever”.

It appeared that if it were going to be any tournament a school like Oakland would ascend, it would be this one. Instead they sealed their national annonimity for another year. I’m sure there’s a few people who figured OU couldn’t handle the travel of going all the way from California to Milwaukee. That’s what they deserve though.

OU apologists around town, and trust me, going to this school I am surrounded by them, need to decide what this team is. For the duration of the year, despite a blowout against Michigan St. and losing at home to Eastern Michigan, travel was to blame for how poor they played against the big programs. I concurred with that and understandably so, especially against Syracuse, Kansas and Oregon which were all a part of whirl-wind road trips that didn’t aid them in games they probably would have lost anyway.

Suppressed thoughts were, why is Oakland getting blown-out so soundly by these teams? In the past Oakland seemed to have Oregon’s number, beating them two years in a row, including in 2007, when the Ducks were ranked. Yet Oregon beat them by double-digits.  Another alarming loss was against Memphis. A small team that OU should have matched up well against, that missed the tournament in a rebuilding year. They were never in the game losing 77 to 46.

But I bought in because of Oakland’s impressive 20-1 in-conference record. Unfortunately I’m starting to wonder if the Summit league has any validity at all. If it should even be in the same class as say the Big Sky or Ohio Valley conference. For example, Murray St. was only a couple points away from going to the sweet 16. That is part of my point but I digress. Oakland’s Summit league performance was outstanding and generated excitement all the way around. Even though Oakland did exactly what they were supposed to do, going off pre-season expectations.

When Oakland went into the game against Pitt, it seemed as though the stage had been set for them to get on the train of mid-major upsets. Especially considering the Big East was at the end of three and almost four of them, that first day. The Grizzlies got off to a rousing start. Then Derek Nelson, who might be the most physically gifted Grizzly, went down and missed most of the first half. An amazing shot by Ledrick Eackles was reversed after the referees decided during the inbound that he charged. Those were factors in the game going in the opposite direction, they were not determining factors though.

Oakland came out working the ball inside and creating space for open shots. They forced turnovers and fouls on Pitt. After those occurences they lost their composure and began to rush shots and run out of position defensively. That is no excuse, you never saw Murray St., or Ohio lose their composure. Oakland was supposed to be better than both teams. I’m left thinking that both would have easily disposed of the Grizzlies off of heart alone.

Yet, I’m hearing more excuse making and suddenly “oh well this is only Oakland second appearance, you can’t expect them to beat a program like Pitt!” Well Wofford was making their first appearance and they almost knocked off Wisconsin. It was not an excuse for them and I’m sure their student body and local media would not apologize to the team for a decisive loss.

Oakland could have been a part of the party. They could have been one of the mid-major teams that have destroyed brackets everywhere. Instead they put up one of the worst performances of the tournament. They played like a 16 seed, which I sincerely believe Lehigh put up a tougher game than them.

Because of this, I do not see any true progress made in the program because this was a truly forgettable performance. OU didn’t even have to win, they just had to make it close. By not doing that, only a score was posted on Sportscenter, no highlights. The game-stories were buried in the back, even on a local scale. And the team whose Summit League Championship celebration wasnt carried live, who had to stay in the suburbs of Milwaukee instead of downtown, the school CBS gave no coverage to on selection Sunday, played like they deserved the obscurity.

For at least another year the Golden Grizzlies will come from California.

Ron Washington believes in the powder game

 

By Kyle Bauer

Today Texas Rangers manager Ron Washington held a press conference to announce that he failed an MLB drug test for cocaine.

I don’t have too many silly jokes about this. Really the best joke I had I used up in the headline. This does open a window for me to finally get out my belief that Ron Washington is the BLACK JIM LEYLAND.

Maybe it’s just the mustaches. Maybe it’s just the old. Maybe it’s just the addiction; Leyland with cigarettes and Washington with cocaine. But they even preach similar styles, philosophically relying on the three-run-homerun. Both teams are void of consistent pitching and heavy on slow power hitters. To me, it’s kind of eerie.

Even the Rangers and Tigers copied the ‘have the youngest pitcher in the bullpen carry a pink backpack’ gimmick.

I really believe these men are in some way related. Hopefully Leyland doesnt fail a drug-test anytime soon.

How Real Deal spends his birthday

Neal joins Fox Sports Radio Pittsburgh 970 to talk about Oaklands matchup againa Pitt in the tourney

Today is Neal’s birthday. I can’t remember exactly, he’s like somewhere in the range of 30 and 33. Either way birthdays are exciting, so be sure to track down his facebook and wish him happy birthday. Neal LOVES when random people wish him happy birthday on Facebook.

The Knicks are 3-8 with him in the line-up

 

That’s a perennial loser this guy is, and I’m tired of it! – Neal Ruhl on Tracy McGrady