THE RDOS KARMA IS A BITCH.

By Kyle Bauer

THE SAINTS LOSE! THE SAINTS LOSE! THHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEE SAAAAAAAAAAAINTS LOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Their redneck fans shot up a TV in celebration. They tried to mess with Detroit. Now they’re falling apart.

The Saints choked against the Buccaneers, leading 17-10, when Michael Spurlock had a 77 yard punt return at the two-minute warning. New Orleans charged back down the field but they managed to choke again! Kicker Garrett Hartley missed a makeable 37 yard field goal. In overtime the Saints folded like a tent in a hurricane and the Bucs Conor Barth sealed the upset with a 47 yard field goal.

Not only is this good because I have officially declared the Saints and their fan base fraudulent and evil but this has positive implications for the Lions and their draft position. The Lions are in a spot, assuming they lose out, that they will draft second behind the Rams. The Rams are in dire need for a quarterback and possibly might not take Ndamkong Suh. If the Rams pull an upset against Arizona or beat the 49ers, which is possible since neither of those teams have anything to play for, the Lions will have the number one pick.

Could the most embarrassing loss in Lions history end up being a positive?

Naw, the Lions will fuck this up somehow. The cynicism is an old bit, but so is three wins in three years.

Real Deal on Headlines

by Mike Parsons

What?! Why am I writing the Real Deal on Headlines? I’m just the board operator, I don’t even watch sports! Good question; since Kyle put together the best of while afflicted with the swine flu and a broken coccyx and Neal is spending the holidays with his wife and kids it falls on me this week. So um here it goes.

Ocho Cinco

For the most part I have no idea why people even bother to put athlete interviews on air, whether it be TV or radio. Is there anything more painfully boring than listening to some montone meat head recite the same tired script with such gems as “gotta give it 110%” “Take it one game at a time” “Our opponents are a quality team, anyone can beat anyone any given game” or describing mundane feats as “pretty special.” Chad Ocho Cinco’s quotes and wacky antics are a breath of fresh air. Nobody hates an attention whore more than me but for some reason I get the impression he’s not doing it for the attention. He does it because he is so much better than everyone else on the field he’s no longer challenged by the game of football and needs to find other ways to entertain himself.

Brian Kelly

Speaking of Cincinnati and rising stars on the tweetspace I still can’t help but to feel like this guy sold out. The realist in me fully expected Kelly to make the leap to the Irish;  but the child in me still believed in Christmas miracles and held onto the hopes he would stay at Cincy and build the program into a national powerhouse. How is anyone supposed to build a football program when all the coaches flee to some slap ass program with deep pockets the minute their contracts are up? For once I would love to see a coach tell UM or Notre Dame, thanks but no thanks, I like what we’ve started, good luck with your declining legacy. I’m not saying I hope Brian Kelly fails, but if he goes the way of the Willingham, I wouldn’t be disapointed.

Matt Millen

Sure it was a stupid move by the Lions to hire a guy to run the football team because he was good at color commentary and sure it was even stupider for them to hang onto him for the better part of a decade; but seriously people it’s just football, get over it.  Nobody likes to watch their home team lose game after game but the calls I heard after the 0-16 season on sports talk radio made me pity these people. My favorite was one slap dick who said he hopes the lions “take this season to their grave.” There are people out there who want Matt Millen dead or banned from the state of Michigan, that’s not even constitutional! Like I said people, it’s just football, go spend time with your family.

 Slap Ass Announcers

Like Kyle often says Detroit is very lucky when it comes to our announcers. On my way to work I was listening to a little Sports News Radio and instead of getting my daily fill of inspiration from David Stein the network was airing the “Sports Year in Review.” I heard more nationwide slaposity in the November segment than in a year of OSU vs UM Saturdays. The play by play team’s job is to describe the game, not to become the spectacle itself. Alot of broadcasters are employees of the team and they are paid to be slaps to a certain degree but exclaiming “THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE YANKEES WIN” or screaming “YES” repeatedly like Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally gets a bit tired and sounds contrived.

Merry Christmas everyone! Remember he is the reason for the season….unless your Jewish.