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Stretch and yawn. Yawn and stretch.

By Kyle Bauer

Here we are. Finally the NFL season is about to end or rather….YAY IT’S SUPERBOWL SUNDAY!!!!

While I hate the NFL and only cover it on necessity, I have respect for the spectacle that is the Superbowl. When you think of it, there is a definitive beauty in that one game decides it all. No series needed here. The brutal nature of football sets up for ultimate drama.

The game is a celebration, a holiday. Unless the pending lockout of 2011 tanks the league, I can only see the Superbowl getting bigger, to the point where this will become a national holiday. It would sound ridiculous and bum a lot of pretentious people out but bottom line is that at least 90 million people will be watching this game in this country alone. With the Superbowl, people feel the need to party and be as indulgent as if it were New Years Eve. I don’t have the exact numbers but I’m going to make a guess and say a lot of people will be calling in tomorrow.

I plan on going to a Superbowl party where I am going to take it easy, but in all the prep for that, I dont really have time to create the post I should create for this momentous occasion. Seriously, today has almost a Christmas vibe to it. This game will validate the hype of the event that is the Superbowl in itself. The actual matchup seems to be simmering. Really, I dont understand why.

With all insistence, I keep having to warn people that this game will be close. Because of the Saints needing overtime against Minnesota despite getting five turnovers, many folks believe that the Colts will win easily. I think Peyton Manning might also have something to do with it. Maybe.

My argument for the Saints making it interesting, is found in the way so many pundits are putting them down. New Orleans forces turnovers. They will get pressure on Manning today, the proverbial brick wall in front of him will be crumbled. I am predicting multiple sacks for the Saints, the complete dissolution of the Colts running game and the formidable secondary, lead by the greatest safety of all time, Darren Sharper, will force a rare big interception.

New Orleans running game has become grossly undersold. The Saints have been getting into the end zone with Pierre Thomas and Reggie Bush through the playoffs. Drew Bress, who has not looked sharp in recent weeks he will be protected by the trio of running backs and an injured Dwight Freeney.

Ultimately, Peyton Manning’s ability to spread the ball around and the ascention of Pierre Garcon and Austin Collie, will be too much. My point is that while the Colts are going to win, this is going to be a damn good Superbowl. I can understand why people are predicting ‘PAIN’ for the Saints, especially when I have criticized New Orleans majority of the season, but I believe people are simply underestimating their running game and defense.

Colts- 31

Saints-28

 

Who am I actually rooting for though? Of course it’s the Colts. Sure, the city of New Orleans could use this fun lil band-aid but dammit, they already had a parade. Considering that they got alllllll dressed up in drag and danced around like they already won something is enough for me to suggest that karma is going to bite them in the same effect that it helped them get here. Am I suggesting a jinx? Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuure!

Tack onto that is the other faction of Saints fans. You know damn well who I am talking about. Our good friends in the Bayou swamps (I’m assuming) who will be blasting off televisions everywhere if the Saints win tonight.

This is dangerous. If the Saints win, rednecks will destroy their televisions and possibly create a destructive force almost as powerful as Katrina. They will put themselves into further debt having to buy new televisions, radios and most likely trucks. The celebratory muddin’ will be so fierce that even the biggest of tires may not stand a chance. Costco’s, Wal-Mart/Sam’s Club’s will continue to get bigger and bigger from this trickle down effect causing many smaller companies and chains to go out of business. The global-economy crisis will grow, the margin between rich and poor will swell. Credit Card companies will be salivating.

Another business that will profit will be Aarons. No, not Rent-A-Center, they’re not the official rental center of NASCAR, Aarons is. They are sitting back in the shadows, waiting for Cletus to yell “WHO DAT!” and fire off his .45 into his TV and come in and rent a new 60 inch behemoth. No deposit needed. No credit needed. No interest until 2011. No problem.

 

 Has the Aarons Lucky Dog made your dreams come true today?

I have been fallowing the Saints for a good couple months now. Here it ends.

Previous Saints coverage-

http://wp.me/pGn7Z-9M

http://wp.me/pGn7Z-9C

http://wp.me/pGn7Z-7p

http://wp.me/pGn7Z-6N

http://wp.me/pGn7Z-6I

http://wp.me/pGn7Z-6f

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“I hate Ladainian Tomlinson, like people hate cancer.” -Neal Ruhl

By Kyle Bauer

Well originally I had planned on writing a scathing prose commemorating how absolutely bad this decade has been for the Lions  juxtaposed against the Cardinals but I get lazy, real lazy. Maybe I’ll eventually write that piece but why do such a thing when multiple must-watch sports related You Tube videos come up.

Ladainian Tomlinson. Ohhhhh LT, LT, LT….Normally I would appreciate an athlete doing something so cheesy and ridiculous, you know, like in the vain of Chris Cooley. Instead I will not give him credit. No LT, this doesnt save you from the rath of the Real Deal on Sports, especially when this Sunday, you’re going to have Darren Sproles bail you out after you get toxic shock from your tampon. I know this is your idea of having fun and being loose and you’re trying to be silly like the 1985 Bears but nooooooooooo, that doesnt fly with your history, your legend of playoff softness. Retire or get a meaningful touchdown in the playoffs, one or the other. Don’t make silly videos, thinking that you’re going to lighten peoples criticism of you around this time of year and pundits such as Neal and I feasting on your dying career.

Once again, for the record, had anyone else done this video, I would had praised it. Especially since this is done in a Eric Wareheim directorial style. He may have actually directed it, but I do not have official confirmation.

Next up, we have Ditka.

At the Real Deal on Sports, we love Ditka, almost as much as we hate LT.  Here is a clip of him begrudgingly doing a post-game interview for a local Chicago station. Even after a win, he want’s nothing to do with the media. In classic Ditka fashion, he curses, argues and generally doesnt take shit. But the host, reitred CBS sports anchor Johnny Morris stands up to Ditka and stands him down. Although his hair style should be brought into question. Just wait for the special surprise at the end.

LT- video courtesy of Deadspin

Ditka video courtesy of Kap’s corner