Stretch and yawn. Yawn and stretch.

By Kyle Bauer

Here we are. Finally the NFL season is about to end or rather….YAY IT’S SUPERBOWL SUNDAY!!!!

While I hate the NFL and only cover it on necessity, I have respect for the spectacle that is the Superbowl. When you think of it, there is a definitive beauty in that one game decides it all. No series needed here. The brutal nature of football sets up for ultimate drama.

The game is a celebration, a holiday. Unless the pending lockout of 2011 tanks the league, I can only see the Superbowl getting bigger, to the point where this will become a national holiday. It would sound ridiculous and bum a lot of pretentious people out but bottom line is that at least 90 million people will be watching this game in this country alone. With the Superbowl, people feel the need to party and be as indulgent as if it were New Years Eve. I don’t have the exact numbers but I’m going to make a guess and say a lot of people will be calling in tomorrow.

I plan on going to a Superbowl party where I am going to take it easy, but in all the prep for that, I dont really have time to create the post I should create for this momentous occasion. Seriously, today has almost a Christmas vibe to it. This game will validate the hype of the event that is the Superbowl in itself. The actual matchup seems to be simmering. Really, I dont understand why.

With all insistence, I keep having to warn people that this game will be close. Because of the Saints needing overtime against Minnesota despite getting five turnovers, many folks believe that the Colts will win easily. I think Peyton Manning might also have something to do with it. Maybe.

My argument for the Saints making it interesting, is found in the way so many pundits are putting them down. New Orleans forces turnovers. They will get pressure on Manning today, the proverbial brick wall in front of him will be crumbled. I am predicting multiple sacks for the Saints, the complete dissolution of the Colts running game and the formidable secondary, lead by the greatest safety of all time, Darren Sharper, will force a rare big interception.

New Orleans running game has become grossly undersold. The Saints have been getting into the end zone with Pierre Thomas and Reggie Bush through the playoffs. Drew Bress, who has not looked sharp in recent weeks he will be protected by the trio of running backs and an injured Dwight Freeney.

Ultimately, Peyton Manning’s ability to spread the ball around and the ascention of Pierre Garcon and Austin Collie, will be too much. My point is that while the Colts are going to win, this is going to be a damn good Superbowl. I can understand why people are predicting ‘PAIN’ for the Saints, especially when I have criticized New Orleans majority of the season, but I believe people are simply underestimating their running game and defense.

Colts- 31



Who am I actually rooting for though? Of course it’s the Colts. Sure, the city of New Orleans could use this fun lil band-aid but dammit, they already had a parade. Considering that they got alllllll dressed up in drag and danced around like they already won something is enough for me to suggest that karma is going to bite them in the same effect that it helped them get here. Am I suggesting a jinx? Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuure!

Tack onto that is the other faction of Saints fans. You know damn well who I am talking about. Our good friends in the Bayou swamps (I’m assuming) who will be blasting off televisions everywhere if the Saints win tonight.

This is dangerous. If the Saints win, rednecks will destroy their televisions and possibly create a destructive force almost as powerful as Katrina. They will put themselves into further debt having to buy new televisions, radios and most likely trucks. The celebratory muddin’ will be so fierce that even the biggest of tires may not stand a chance. Costco’s, Wal-Mart/Sam’s Club’s will continue to get bigger and bigger from this trickle down effect causing many smaller companies and chains to go out of business. The global-economy crisis will grow, the margin between rich and poor will swell. Credit Card companies will be salivating.

Another business that will profit will be Aarons. No, not Rent-A-Center, they’re not the official rental center of NASCAR, Aarons is. They are sitting back in the shadows, waiting for Cletus to yell “WHO DAT!” and fire off his .45 into his TV and come in and rent a new 60 inch behemoth. No deposit needed. No credit needed. No interest until 2011. No problem.


 Has the Aarons Lucky Dog made your dreams come true today?

I have been fallowing the Saints for a good couple months now. Here it ends.

Previous Saints coverage-

Real Deal on Headlines

By Kyle Bauer

That is a very stupid title to a new feature on the site that is going to rotate between Neal and I but more times than not, it will be me.
Were going to recap some of the more interesting sports stories in the news over the past couple days, surmised in a paragraph or two.

Lions win,  turnaround suddenly imminent.

I always felt the truest testament to how delusional Lions fans are, surprisingly does not rest in all the 10 win preseason predictions, but in how they react to a win. Well, then again, the Lions have shown that wins in a season are not guaranteed so I guess I can understand the excitement and jubilation when they actually do. People seem to forget that the Lions are still the Lions and they beat the Browns who are still the Browns. It was a game mired in befuddling bad defense, and some horrible coaching calls. Matt Stafford suddenly gets it together for a few drives and everyone goes nuts.

The people who have been anointing Matt Stafford after this victory bother me the most. He did a great job finally channeling some NFL caliber accuracy on that final drive. Still he didnt show the composure I would appreciate considering the Lions should had spiked the ball multiple times. I suppose Schwartz didnt want to make that call, sensing momentum and wanting to keep Cleveland on the ropes.  It was still unorthodox and would had been costly if it werent for the pass-interference call.


The most troubling thing about peoples sudden love fest for Stafford is that he has already been severely injured twice in a season that is barely half over. A separated knee cap and then a separated shoulder in only eight starts is extremely concerning to me. A mantra you will always hear on our show is that “part of being good, is the ability to stay healthy.” You need to be durable, and accurate on a consistent basis. Stafford’s performance had some undeniable bright spots, but for me, the jury is without a doubt still out on his intangibles.

Jimmy Clausen punched outside of South Bend bar.

This doesnt surprise me. Look at this guy, wouldnt you want to punch him in the face too?

Jimmie Johnson wins fourth consecutive Sprint Cup

As I have proclaimed many times before, I am a kinda-sorta a NASCAR fan. I am not going to lie, I was raised on it, almost as an inadvertent form of child abuse. As the years have gone by, my interest has wained more and more, almost to the point where I no longer care. I check in on the races weekly, but the only time I still watch a race from flag to flag, is when I go to both races at Michigan International Speedway with my dad every year.

The reasons why I have lost interest is not because I no longer enjoy the idea of auto-racing, it is because NASCAR has become ridiculously dull. Races have become relatively predictable. I have said time and time before in my defense of NASCAR, that is it not always “just cars going in a circle” and most races have exciting, back and forth, three-wide racing. Now more than ever, as it is being publicized more than ever, the racing has become “just cars going in circles.” Competition in NASCAR is dead.

 Jimmie Johnson is the one driver that you could argue being responsible for the death of excitement in NASCAR. He is in the midst of a true dynasty but instead of being able to enjoy his domination, I’ve been left yawning instead of ‘aweing’. Methodically, he qualifies in the top five, finishes in the top five or wins every race. He races clean, without controversy and seemingly without passion. NASCAR is such a dehumanized sport, you could easily argue that  the car does everything. To debunk this argument, you want to have a champion with flash and integrity. Petty, Yarborough, Waltrip, Gordon, Stewart and especially Earnhardt all had it. It was so easy to root for the character in the car, but there is no character in the man who has won the past four championships. I can’t fault Johnson for this. He is the Tim Duncan of auto-sports. Johnson is only being himself, doing what he does best but doing it quietly.

I respect him, but his dominance is making me lose respect for NASCAR.

Mangino is large, soon not in charge.

Kansas football coach Mark Mangino has been on the hot-seat as of late and  not because he accidentally sat on his order from Papa Johns (I dont know Mangino just seems like he likes Papa Johns, a lot). He has become embattled over rumors of getting physical with players at practice and official accusations of being verbally abusive and more importantly, they have lost six games in a row.

Recently wide receiver Kerry Meier and safety Darnell Stucky have come to the defense of Mangino saying his actions have been understandable and they way he has handled the accusations have been inspirational.

This likely wont save Mangino, as the program he built from the ground up to a Orange bowl win a couple years ago, has now crumbled, despite All-American quarterback Todd Reesings efforts. Kansas has a decent chance at beating a Missouri team that has been equally disappointing and soft, but winning the rivalry game still might not be enough unless more Kansas players openly support him.

It really is a shame. Lets not forget the easy fat jokes Mangino brings to the table but also I am going to miss that pedophile mustache.