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From Fat to Last

By Kyle Bauer

 

Sometimes life lets you down. Sometimes heroes fall. Sometimes the gravity pulls you under. But unfortunately for me, the Rex Ryan gravitational pull has decreased.

The worlds most successful morbidly obese man has sold out. On Sunday it was reported that Rex Ryan will be receiving lap-band surgery. This is like finding out your favorite baseball player is on steroids, except in the case of Ryan it is dropping weight. How could a man whose virility was counted in calories, strip himself of the strength in steaks that created a legend?

Virility counting in calories is not a reach in the case of Ryan. When he was pounding down 7,000 calories a day, the Jets were rolling, as if they were kneading out pie crust as sweet as the Superbowl. Normally I advocate weight loss, dieting and healthy living but Ryan NEEDS TO BE FAT. Without his girth, the Jets will not clinch a playoff berth.

In the continuation of sad moves by Jets personnel, they make another move that will hurt their post-season chances. LT HAS SIGNED WITH THE JETS.

Lets do the math

LT+slender Rex Ryan= NO CONCEIVABLE WAY THE JETS FINISH OUTSIDE OF LAST PLACE.

The bowl bound blubber will melt from Rex and then they sign the ultimate loser? What the fuck Jets. Also they lost the coin toss to play the first game at the new stadium. IT HAS ALREADY STARTED.

You have to remember that the Shonn Greene mocked LT’s celebration when he scored the dagger against the Chargers. Now LT will have to back up the kid who showed him up. How poetic in the land of Real Deal Karma.

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This winner of the Real Deal on Sports Photoshop contest….

 

Is Sparty!

For this asstastic entry

He wins two tickets to see the Buffalo Sabres defeat the Red Wings, March 13th 7pm at Joe Louis Arena.

He also will receive a prized copy of Cool Runnings on VHS in honor of the Winter Olympics

Stay tuned for more RDOS contests and more great prizes to go with them!

Sparty, email me at kbauer83@yahoo.com for information on how to claim your prize!

The return of athletes making asses of themselves on twitter.

By Kyle Bauer

It’s baaaaaaack! After a hiatus from this popular feature, we return today with Vikings Offensive Lineman Bryant McKinnie.

Last week, I read a feature on McKinnie, and his behavior during the festivities at the Superbowl. Apparently McKinnie is so out of control, he was originally elected to the pro-bowl but was axed because the league was unable to get in contact with him to let him know in time!

His antics are best captured in an article by ESPN honk Dan Le Batard in the Miami Herald

The article referenced a rather confusing relationship that the NFL star has garnered with washed up whore and ex-convict Lil Kim.

The following post will leave you even more confused.

bigmacvikingsProducers while I still have Lil Kim with me send me some hot tracks. We been going thru songs all day. We went thru some last nite as well.

So uh is Bryant McKinnie starting a rap career and Lil Kim is producing for him?
Is he producing for Lil Kim?
Is she humoring him?
Is he simply listening to music and completely misinterpreting what Lil Kim’s purpose for him there was?
Well I know for sure he is banging her and he will have hepatitis soon…..and not the ‘good’ kind either….

McKinnie is becoming a hero of mine. Not only is he rapping and/ or producing with Lil Kim but you’ll see if you scroll further through his page, he is also attempting a tennis match vs. Venus Williams. Bryant McKinnie is proving to not only be a superior offensive lineman and partyer but a renaissance man.

The only thing left for him to do is attend hockey games with Rex Ryan.

He’s wearing a Big Dogs shirt everybody. A BIG DOGS SHIRT!